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Follow Jane’s REAL Daily Journey to Healthy Eating and Weight loss. Her highs, lows and all REAL emotions on changing her lifestyle forever.

Posted by Samantha Rentz on January 14th 2014
  • Day 1-Feeling bad- post eating binge and pre starting with Sam Rentz of R.E.A.L

 

 

08/01/2014-10.00pm

I am sat in front of my computer after bingeing on sugar puffs and milk after a huge stir fry dinner (the sugar puffs have been there for months and were gone off and stuck together- I actually had to prize them apart with my bare hands). They were not mine, they were my boyfriends who is out at the moment, as I would never buy anything like that because I’ve been on a diet since I was 10 years old. I am now 31.

 

There was nothing else binge worthy in the house. Anyway I’m now sat in front of the TV watching big brother feeling fat, disgusting, weak and greedy. I’m beating myself up because I’m supposed to be on a ‘diet’. My head is saying “you’ve f***** up now so you might as well do it good and proper and go to the shop and start again tomorrow”. I’m distracting myself by writing this post. I just don’t understand why I do it. I do so well on a ‘diet’ and then I get the obsession to eat bad food. I obsess until my head cant take it anymore. It feels like I need the taste of good food. My massive weakness is chocolate, cake, flapjack, cereal and anything sweet basically. I always give into the obsession and I eat it, something happens to me once I start eating it. It’s like I’m possessed. I lose control, wolfing the food down so fast I’m biting my cheeks until they bleed. I am utterly powerless. I start feeling sick from over-eating and then the depression kicks in. I start beating myself up about how weak and greedy I am and how I’m never going to lose weight. I feel guilty. The only thing that takes the pain away after a binge is more food. I cant handle the way I feel after so I eat more. As I’m writing this my fella has just walked in with a jumbo white chocolate flapjack. I stopped typing, opened it, took a huge chunk out of it and practically downed it. I’ve now got my eye on some mince pies he’s just brought in aswell. All I keep thinking is fuck it I will start again tomorrow. I’ve been doing Slimming World since July. My weight loss was 1lb a week and I was also doing spinning 4-5 times a week. This was too slow. Who wants to pay a joining fee, walk in the rain to the local church, get weighed for five pounds and practically no guidance, to find out you’ve either gained half a pound or lost one pound when you have rigourously stuck to the plan all week. And that is following red days with hardly any carbs. Im now eating a muller light yoghurt as I’m writing. Still not sure when I’m going to stop eating. Anyway £200  later I decided to leave Slimming World, buy my own scales and cut out carbs.

 

For months now I have been waking up drinking a chocolate protein shake which tastes like shit, having a fat free yoghurt and banana for lunch, a massive stir fry with loads of soya sauce for dinner with no carbs, followed by yoghurt, fruit, more yoghurt, soup and occasional bites of my boyfriends cookies. I would fill up on coffee, diet coke and decaff tea. I have to say I’m sick of this diet now. I lost control big time over xmas. I ate enough to kill a large cow and came home feeling heavy and determined to start my diet regime again. Well I’ve not been able to get back on track. I cant bear the thought of going back to the crappy yoghurt and stir fry diet. I’m miserable and as a result I’m eating to suppress my feelings.

 

I have always eaten on my emotions which is why I find sticking to diets so hard. The worst time for me is evenings after my meal. Anyway I went to stay with my best friend last week in Brighton. I saw being away from home as another excuse to eat what I like and then get back on track when I got home. I ate all her cereal. I was so out of control I actually had to empty the rest of the packet into the bin so I wouldn’t eat the rest. This was so called healthy food ‘SPECIAL K CLUSTERS’. I ate all her left over chocolate from xmas, biscuits, fruit, yoghurt, and then started on toast with jam and muesli. I couldn’t sleep that night, I was wide awake from the sugar rush, I was tormented, depressed, feeling fat and powerless and in utter despair. I woke up the next day feeling hungover I was depressed and tired all day. I vowed never to eat sugar again. That night I was back in my friends cupboards again. Then the doorbell rang. In walked my best friends sister.

 

My life has already started to change since I met this wonderful woman with a big heart. Her name was Sam Rentz and she runs a company called R.E.A.L. She gave me hope when I was in a place of despair. I started asking her questions about what she did for a living and she opened up to me about her company. Basically she has got every qualification under the sun when it comes to nutrition, the science behind it and personal training. I asked for a consultation with her and she happily did it telling me it was free and I could go home and think about it. She picked me up the next day, took me back to her house and spent three hours with me. I spilled my guts about my unsuccessful diets, binge eating, emotional eating. She had been there and done it all herself. She PROMISED me if I did what she suggested I would get to my goal weight of 9 stone in a short space of time. She assured me I don’t have to worry about my food anymore and that she worries about that.

 

This was not a diet it was to be a lifestyle and she would be there for me every step of the way. Her fees are nothing compared to the work she has already done for me. She has spent hours putting my meal plans together, she even wrote my shopping list and helped me with which brands are best. I’ve already learnt so much about food and anything with over 5% fat content should be binned. She has spent hours on the phone to me already listening to my fears and worries and I’ve not even started yet. Subconsciously I’m bingeing today because I’m starting the R.E.A.L lifestyle programme on Sunday. If I get the feeling to eat out of the plan she gives me then I have to ring her first. I’m very excited.

 

By the end of my 11 weeks with her I will be educated on how to eat for the rest of my life, I will not go hungry because the balances of the foods I eat are worked out so I don’t get hungry. Some of her clients are losing up to 8 pounds each week. If you ring her she is there. She has clients staying with her sometimes if they are struggling. So I’m going to document my journey with her and R.E.A.L over the next 11 weeks. Its Tuesday today and I start my meal plan and new life on Sunday. Will keep you posted.

 

  • 8/01/2014

8.58pm

Getting excited and preparing to start with R.E.A.L

Well today I’ve kept busy, I did a load of uni work, went to a friends house and watched a film and got home at about 7.30pm. For breakfast I had my usual shit protein shake followed by a Costa Americano with hot skinny milk. The cakes in costa were screaming my name but I threw myself into my uni work and the obsession surprisingly left me, I forgot about the cakes. I went to a friends house to watch True Romance and she made me a lovely healthy lunch of chopped up peppers, carrots, gherkins, a cheese triangle, some houmous and some pumpernickel bread with a few monster munches. I was then offered a caramel soya yoghurt which was lovely. We then started to watch the film with a cuppa and food wasn’t on my mind at all. I got home a couple of hours ago. I’m not that hungry as I had a diet coke but I had de-frosted some extra lean mince earlier so as I write this I’m cooking it with passata, beef stock, mushrooms and balsamic vinegar to flavour it.

 

 

 

While cooking I cleaned out my cupboards, which Sam from R.E.A.L advised. Most of the c*** in there was out of date and I feel like I have cleansed my kitchen of demons. Haven’t got much food left in the fridge now so hopefully I will not eat after dinner, although the obsession will come I can guarantee. It always comes at night time after dinner. I’m feeling positive because I spoke to one of Sam’s clients on the phone earlier and she was raving about how R.E.A.L has changed her life, she has lost a huge amount of weight already and she says she is never hungry which is good. She was at Sam’s house which shows how dedicated Sam is. Sam told me keeping busy is the trick, doing something with your hands is good. Thats why I have started writing this blog. Bring on Sunday, Im going to see Sam on Friday to make sure I’m prepared. will keep you posted. Praying I wont eat s*** tonight. More to come tomorrow!

  • 10/01/14

9pm

Binged again. PMT, not happy, bring on Sunday

I’ve got one more day until I change the eating of a life-time and I really want to start now. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’m going to have to start blogging before I act on my cravings rather than after I’ve acted on them. I have binged tonight and am again feeling guilty and like I’ve self harmed. However, I do have PMT which isn’t helping because I’m literally constantly hungry when I have PMT. I ate my dinner which was salmon and veg with sauce. I then ate two chocolate bars, sugar puffs (the gone off ones that are still in my cupboard stuck together) and a mince pie. I then, at 10pm at night, told my boyfriend I need milk for the morning just so I had an excuse to go to the shop and eat more. I bought a flapjack and ate it on the way home and then had a muller rice when I got in pretending it was a fat free yoghurt, after that I went into the kitchen shut the door and gorged on more sugar puffs. This is the behaviour of a drug addict. Sneaking off to buy your heroin and then quickly smoking it on the stairwell before you go home.The reason I did it in secret is because I’m so ashamed about how much I am eating and I can’t sit with the cravings and obsession with food. I have always had an addictive personality and have suffered with binge eating and body dysmorphia all my life. When I got to 15 I hated myself so much I was drinking all the time, this was making me eat more though so I started using drugs to become thin. I went on an illegal drug diet for ten years. This made me thin but totally f***** I hated myself even more and who I had become while I used drugs. In 2007 my boyfriend died of an overdose and I went into rehab.

 

That is when my binge eating disorder came back with a vengeance. I no longer was using drugs to suppress my feelings so I started using food again. I went into rehab a size 8 and came out a size 16. Ever since then I have been battling to get my weight down. I am now 10 stone 3 pounds and although that isn’t huge I’m still really unhappy with my weight. Its also my emotions I’m struggling with aswell as the weight. I have severe body dysmorphia and the insanity is I use food as a comfort to make me feel better and numb out the self hatred.  I get temporary relief as I’m tasting the food and eating it but after that it makes me feel even worse and brings my self hatred to rock bottom levels. That’s why I’m looking forward to working with Sam at R.E.A.L because she understands its not just about the food but the emotions as well. Most people out here who are overweight or obese are suffering with their emotions and eating on their emotions. However, they are labelled as being out of control, weak and greedy. They get put on diets and they end up failing because nothing is being done to address their emotional issues which is the core of their food issues. I have tried everything to stop eating so much and none of it worked. I even tried Overeaters anonymous which is a program similar to Alcoholics anonymous. There they told me to eat three meals a day, nothing in between, no sugar or anything which makes me want to eat more. Although I saw that working for some people and different people had different meal plans it didn’t work for me. I ended up feeling more deprived and segregated when i went out for meals or family do’s. Anyway I’m going to see Sam tomorrow to go through everything before I start on Sunday. Will blog again soon. Night everyone x

  • 11/01/2014

9pm

START WITH R.E.A.L TOMORROW. THE LAST SUPPER 

Woke up this morning feeling really happy to be going to see Sam Rentz at R.E.A.L, especially because I binged last night. I have put on 3 pounds this week and that is unconscious eating for you. It just shows me it took me months to lose ten pounds and I put 3 back on in one week!. Thank God I met Sam this week and I finally have some hope in my life or I would probably be feeling despair if If I hadn’t met her. I’m feeling really hopeful.

 

Sam picked me up from the station, we went back to her house and she went through the meal plan and ingredients with a fine tooth comb.

 

 

 

She also made sure that I am comfortable with how to cook everything. She gave me a diary for 2014 so I can log my feelings everyday. We went through other coping mechanisms to combat the emotions which will inevitably come up when I stop suppressing my feelings with food. Tools which I know will help me because they helped me when I stopped drinking and taking drugs are, meditation, my Buddhist practice so basically prayer, writing down my feelings like anger and fear. Fear and worry are two massive things which I eat on. I worry a lot about things as I have bi-polar and anxiety disorder. I worry about things which haven’t even happened. To help me not eat outside of my meal plan I will write down all my fears everyday and also ring Sam. That’s what I love about Sam I can tell her anything and she doesn’t judge me because she has heard it all and been there and done it herself when it comes to food. I also know that to overcome and manage any addiction it is vital I share my feelings and get other perspectives because if I suppress my feelings I will binge on them. Suppressing or ignoring feelings does not work. Another thing which helps me is writing this blog, it keeps me busy and even if I can help one person out there then that makes me feel good and also being in cyberspace makes me realise I’m not on my own out there. Sam even gave me a griddle pan and showed me how to crush garlic. She really goes to the end of the earth and you can see how passionate she is. She then took me shopping to Tesco’s to get the rest of my ingredients for the week. Sam asked me what I was going to eat on my last night before the plan starts and I said I’d probably binge. Her suggestion was to eat a nice meal, she told me to pick anything like lasagne, curry, anything I like and a nice pudding. I said fish pie, veg and sticky toffee pudding with custard. She was actually giving me permission to eat these things. Well its worked because I’ve been given permission to treat myself on my last night I actually don’t want to binge. I’ve written down all my fears and worries about starting with R.E.A.L and all the other fears I have and Sam went through all of them with me.

 

I came home and cleaned my flat which kept me busy and that killed the waiting time before dinner. Having a nice bubble bath and doing lots of self-care, lighting candles and nourishing myself in different ways besides just eating works wonders. I’m now off to have my sticky toffee pudding! MY LAST SUPPER! I’m very excited to wake up tomorrow and start the new me. I’m nervous but will be blogging my progress this week x

  • 13/01/2014

9pm

SECOND DAY WITH R.E.A.L

I’m now on my second day working with Sam Rentz at R.E.A.L. Yesterday was great, I stuck to the meal plan and the food was really nice and I had Asian cabbage salad with steak for dinner. The dressing which went with it was amazing and it was the tastiest meal I’d had in a long time. I wasn’t hungry at all but when I got in bed my tummy was rumbling. Night time is hard for me because I am so used to starving through the day and eating lots at night so I’m used to going to bed on a full stomach.

 

 

 

 

Sam was there for me all day on the phone to encourage me. She reminded me that I have to deal with the emotions as it’s nothing to do with being hungry. Today has been good as well. It is a fasting day which means limited calories as Sam firmly believes in intermittent fasting which is better known as the 5.2 and for women it means 500 calories a day for 2 days a week and for men 600 calories a day for men twice a week. I had a boiled egg and a slice of ham for breakfast, a tangerine for a snack and a lovely Mexican pizza for dinner, made with a tortilla wrap, some passata, vegetables and mozzarella sprinkled over it. This was lovely. Through the day I’ve drank loads of water and hot lemon tea to cleanse my system which is the point of fasting days. To be honest I didn’t think I’d be able to do it but its not been bad so far. I even had a three hour lecture which I endured with plenty of energy. I then came home and wrote loads of my essay. I didn’t feel any dips in my energy levels like I usually do at about 4pm. Had my pizza at 6pm.

 

Now is a hard time for me. I rang Sam and she reminded me that I’m not hungry, my body has had enough fuel so its all in my head. I have written a sign and put it next to my TV saying ‘I AM NOT HUNGRY’. Its a case of keeping busy for me now because my head is telling me I am hungry. Like Sam said on a scale of 1 to 10 are you really hungry and the honest answer in no. Its about breaking the habit of a lifetime. Writing this blog is helping me and not projecting and keeping things in the moment is helping me. Usually if I have a good day I reward myself with food. This time I’m rewarding myself with weight loss and much more well being. There are other ways to reward myself and nourish myself- not just food. I feel glad that Sam is in charge of my food and meal plans because when I start a diet I get overwhelmed with the amount of information they give me. I always take the chance to eat unlimited fruit, veg or yoghurt. Now that Sam is in charge its all measured for me, the recipes are put together and I can just let go. Its a huge relief. I am struggling right now as my body is adjusting to new portion sizes and its night time which is a notoriously hard time for me with food. Anyway I will keep you posted of my progress. x

 

  • First week complete got massive 10lbs weight loss with R.E.A.L!

18/01/2014

15.23pm

I’ve not blogged much through this week because it’s been tough. I’ve struggled with not eating on my emotions. I’ve not once been hungry but I have been tired because of the emotions that came up. I have felt depressed. It’s shocked me how much of an emotional crutch food has been for me. I’m changing habits of 30 years which is never going to be easy but I have done it.

 

I came to Sam’s to stay for the weekend because my boyfriend has gone away and I didn’t want to be in the house on my own in case I binged. Sam, founder of R.E.A.L,  invited me over and has been amazing. What better way to stay safe than staying at your nutritionist house. So I had my weekly weigh in this morning with Sam and to my absolute amazement this week I have lost a whopping 10lbs. Now that much I did not expect. I had to get on two different sets of scales to reassure me they were correct. Sam’s scales cost about £300 so they are definitely good scales and very accurate. If that convinced me my measurements did. I lost 2 inches off my hips and off my thighs. I’m so so happy and what I have gone through this week emotionally and mentally has all been made worthwhile by these amazing results. It’s made me even more determined to achieve and stick with it. I couldn’t have done it on my own.

 

 

Every time I have felt obsession about food or had emotions or depression Sam has been at the end of the phone 24 hours a day to get me through it. After a phone call to her the obsession and cravings pass and I have felt ok again. That’s the difference between dieting like slimming world and R.E.AL, the emotional support I have 24 hours a day and it works. When I started last week Sam weighed me and I was 10 stone and 6 pounds. When I got weighed this morning I was 9 stone and 10 pounds. I have felt positive all day today.

 

My reward is not food any longer but weight loss, looking good and results. To get through this week I have consistently rang Sam, have been writing my feelings on paper, reviewing my emotions and at the end of the day writing about what’s been good about my day, what’s been bad about it, writing down my worries, fears and resentments, and writing a gratitude list for everything in my life. At the moment I’m feeling incredibly grateful to Sam. Will keep you posted xxx

Week 3

  • 01/02/2014

Hi everyone. EVERYONE. Haven’t blogged lately as I’ve been struggling emotionally and I didn’t get the results I wanted last week. The reason I didn’t lose weight last week was due to the massive weight loss I had in week 1 which was 10lbs!  My body was adjusting to my new healthy eating plan. However last week I did lose 2 inches of my thighs which I was really happy with. So far I have stuck to Sam Rentz, R.E.A.L food plan RELIGIOUSLY. I have only been able to cope because Sam Rentz, founder of R.E.A.L has been there every step of the way and she keeps saying that communication with her has been the key to my success and she is right! I couldn’t have done this so far without her support 24 hours a day on the phone.  I don’t feel like a burden because she makes me feel so comfortable. So this week I have stuck to the plan, had 2 fasting days, (5.2 diet) and 1 day of juicing. Juicing on a weigh in day gives me a clearer indication of my weight loss because last week by the time I got weighed I had eaten breakfast, snacks and lunch which didn’t help because they were all healthy substantial meals from Sam.

 

When I got weighed yesterday I had lost another 6lbs in 7 days so now I weigh 9 stone 6lbs. I also lost another inch of my hips and another inch off my waist!

 

I was delighted to say the least and the reward was worth all the effort. After getting weighed Sam took me up to the gym and we did a workout session. I’m so happy I have found Sam and R.E.A.L because I haven’t weighed this little in years.

 

My obsession with my weight has gone, I feel happier inside because I am not bingeing or eating on my emotions which is A MIRACLE! Everyday it is getting easier. I even went to my local gym on a fasting day. Even on the juicing day I managed to workout with Sam. Usually when I feel my stomach is empty it is because I am de-hydrated and when I drink water I feel much better.

 

 

The DOWNSIDE to all this is that none of my clothes fit me anymore and I have resorted to only being able to wear leggings. I am waiting until I hit my goal weight of 9 stone before I go out and buy some new jeans. However, this is a small problem compared to where I have come from. When I think of how unhappy I was and how obsessed I was with my weight and food before I met Sam of R.E.A.L I feel so grateful that I have stuck to this new ‘life change’ and I am determined never to go back to my old habits.  My old habits with food and over-eating had long stopped working for me and I would hate to be in such despair again. Finally I have my sanity back!

 

The food is delicious and so easy to prepare and whenever I feel bad or wobbly I phone Sam. Sam has become a good friend in the process and I think she is awesome! I really hope more people use R.E.A.L services because it really has changed my life in just 3 weeks. I have been yo-yo dieting for years and now I have found the solution. The great thing is that I don’t feel deprived because the food is so nice. I even get hot chocolate tonight as a snack which is great! I can still have my Costa coffee everyday and I have had 2 curries this week, made from scratch which were nicer than any artificial curry that you would get at an Indian restaurant. So I hope that anyone out there who is in despair over their weight and food addiction contacts Sam Rentz at R.E.A.L as soon as possible. It has given me total freedom.

 

The great thing is you don’t even have to live near her because most of the plan is done over phone or Skype. Will report back next week. xxx

 

  • Week 10-HIT MY GOAL WEIGHT AND MORE!!!!!

 

 

Ok, I’ve not blogged for ages and there are a few reasons for this. First- I’ve been super busy and second I’ve not had much struggle or bad stuff to report! I’m on week 10 with Samantha Rentz of R.E.A.L now and I have got to my goal weight which was originally 9 stone. BUT…….I got weighed last week and I’m now 8 stone 9 pounds and a svelte size 6-8!!!! I’m over the moon. It’s taken me just 10 weeks to lose 2 stone. It’s been a struggle but I’ve done it on my own. Sam has been at the end of the phone 24 hours a day to guide me through the emotional rollercoaster which has been the last 10 weeks. Because I’m so used to stuffing my emotions down with food and I have stopped doing that inevitably I’ve had a lot of emotions come up which I have wanted to eat on but haven’t because Sam Rentz has been there for me on the really bad days.

 

She helps me get to the bottom of why I want to eat s*** and usually it’s because of my emotions. I couldn’t distinguish between real hunger and emotional hunger before. Now I can just about with Sam’s ongoing help. So none of my clothes fit me anymore which has meant a trip to Primark for new jeans and a nice tracksuit from Victoria’s Secret!!!!

I’m determined never to put that weight back on and so i am throwing out all my old clothes. I’ve had 2 blips of over-eating in the last 10 weeks. the other night was one of them. I had literally been weighed that day by Sam and was taking in that I was 8 stone and 9 pounds. I thought ‘great…I can get away with a little binge tonight and that’s what I did. I had a crunchie, hot chocolate and then went back for more. I had 10 pieces of toast with butter, jam, ham and Philadelphia…followed by 10 ryvitas with jam on followed by a granola bar and loads of milk. Needless to say I felt sick and woke up the next day feeling utterly de-motivated, lethargic and hungover from too much sugar. I was gutted because I had done so well. It wasn’t the worry of putting weight on it was how it now made me feel. That is the addictive part of me which sabotages. Again sam told me to put it behind me. It was a reminder that I NEVER want to go back to addictive eating and that food is no longer a reward. It’s more a punishment when I eat like that. Anyway my goal now is to maintain this weight.I’m so looking forward to going on my holiday next week with this weight loss and my new bikinis. I’ve still got some work to do emotionally because putting down food which was a crutch is just the tip of the iceberg. If I want to stay this weight I have to deal with my emotions on a daily basis and Sam has reassured me that she isn’t going nowhere!

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I cannot thank Sam enough. At times I’ve felt like saying. ‘ can you just loosen up and give me more food please’, but it’s all been worth it and realistically I’ve not felt hungry at all. xxxxx

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